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Patterns Saturday, August 23, 2008

Posted by Grace in eating crackers in bed, strange days.
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Driving in the car a few days ago, Fearless and I were talking and he mentioned something I’d heard about before, but had never really thought about. And it’s been sort of stuck in my head since.

He brought up the idea that people look for people similar to their parents when starting relationships. The whole idea of a man wanting his lady to be like his mother. Not act as his mother, but to share some of the same basic personality traits.

He made an example of me, as well as another person he was with for a long time before I came around. First, that both of us have some common traits with his mom: a little bit shy, creative, like to spend time in the kitchen, and being kind hearted (though, if I remember correctly, he used the word softies).

I brought up the point that if people do look for their parents in their partners, what was I supposed to go off of? My dad died when I was very young, I have little recollection of him. How am I supposed to be looking for men like him when I don’t really know who he was? (Note: This was not brought up in any sort of woe is me, accusatory way. It happened a long time ago, and it’s not something I get really emotional about whenever fatherly topics come up. It was just a point to be made.)

Fearless said that my dad had been around in my life long enough to have made an impact, and though I may not know on a very conscious level the person that he was, on a visceral level I knew the type of person he was. And that I know things about him, it’s just that what I know I’ve been taught, I don’t know it first hand.

And much of that proves true: my father was a very masculine in the classic sense, he knew how to fix just about anything, was very much a provider/protector personality, loved being outdoors and working with his hands. 

The type of man I generally get interested in is classically masculine, outdoors-y, a Mr. Do-it-yourself and it’s important to me that I get that feeling that I’m safe with them (not that I haven’t been wrong before). 

So fine, he had a point. But then he pointed out that A, the other girl, and also had many similarities. And that’s what’s been sticking in my head.

Besides the obvious your last two relationships have been with Army men, Grace there have been some interesting similarities I’ve found between Fearless and First.

What has really been making it stick to my brain so much is their similarities with the one other person who I’ve been in a relationship.  Now, I’m not going to mince words, he was a manipulative, controlling, violent person. It wasn’t good, or healthy, while we were together. I had been told often enough that it was, so I believed him, but that’s a different story for a different day.

First and Fearless both habitually are decision makers. This is not a bad thing, but when you’re looking at it, they are the person who generally takes control. I know that it’s nothing near the degree of controlling that this nameless person was, but it’s still a strange parallel.

I don’t think I’m going to go into this too much deeper here, but it’s just strange, when you think of it, the lines you can draw and patterns you can see.

Any of you out there looking for your parents in your significant others?


Any Other World Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Posted by Grace in blue doves.
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People seem to be not enough for each other anymore. What you have with who you’re with seldom seems to be enough for a lot of people you come across. There is just this constant search for something better. As soon as anything begins to go wrong, people feel better to cut away that they do to put effort into fixing things. It fits well into our consumer technology. As soon as a person doesn’t get what they want how and when they want it, they are quick to discard and find anew.

I’m not saying that settling for less is a good thing, nor that being unable to let go of something that cannot be fixed is healthy. It is just that love, like life, is not always easy; taking the easy way out as soon as any obstacle comes up can lead to missing out on really great things.

Call me a romantic, I am. Call me idealistic, that’s probably true too. I just don’t understand why some people are so quick to cut down, berate, or discard people that are important to them. They can’t support each other, they tear each other apart. It’s just completely foreign to my sensibilities.

(I’ll step off my soapbox now…)

Song of the Day: Any Other World – Mika

We’re in This Together Sunday, February 17, 2008

Posted by Grace in graceisms.
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“Colleen‘s crying, Nancy’s wailing and Sarah’s sobbing. You’ve never seen so much misery in the one room at the same time. Mike looks at Bozo and me and goes over and puts his arm around Sarah and nods, indicating we must do the same to Nancy and Colleen.”

– Four Fires, Bryce Courtenay.

That’s the result from my try at the Page 123 meme. The rules? Open the nearest book to page 123, find the fifth sentence, and post the next three sentences.

Oddly enough, this quote had a lot to do with something I’ve been trying to find the words for. Other people just seem to be saying it best.

We are in this together. Sometimes we can stand on our own, and sometimes we need someone’s arms around us for the extra support. In the nautical world, they may say that it is every man for himself, but still, if one of the crew falls overboard, they work to get you back from the sea.

Song of the Day: We’re in This Together – Nine Inch Nails 

Blown Wide Open Friday, February 1, 2008

Posted by Grace in la famiglia.
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My good friend Placid and his wife lost their baby last night, at 26 weeks gestation. There have been additional complications, and it is a little up in the air if she is going to pull through alright. We’re all just playing that waiting game. If anyone out there has room for them in their thoughts, it would be appreciated.

I probably will be absent for a day or two until their family has the chance to fly in.

Song of the Day: Blown Wide Open – Big Wreck